Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
