we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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