I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
