I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
someone owes me an orgasm
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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