Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
