his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
