mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
