your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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