hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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