I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
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