I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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