Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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