i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
