Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
