STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
