I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
