shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
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