Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
