two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
