Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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