her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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