She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
