Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
