True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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