there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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