I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Randomize
