Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
