I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
