i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
