Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
