We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
