you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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