We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize