Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Randomize
