i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize