my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
