Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
My breasts were aching with rage.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
