direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i drank out of a bidet.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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