how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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