This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
