I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
