just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
