I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
