my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
