I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
