This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
