giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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