When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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