I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
