The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
