how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I fill condoms, not promises.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
