I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
