i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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