Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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