I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
So many bounce houses so little time
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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