my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
