I'm jealous of your bromance
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
