woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
