we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
