the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
