Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
