And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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