babies were throwing up all over the place
false alarm. still invincible.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
