It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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